Last Updated: Wednesday, May 28, 2008 11:18 AM CDT
News : Speaking out against domestic violence
Melissa Theisen - Editor
“Every twelve seconds a man abuses a woman he promised to love.” These words appeared on a large screen in the Crandon School auditorium Thursday evening. Domestic abuse, sexual assault, date rape, stalking, the objectification of women and stereotypical male and female roles were the topics presented by spokesperson for the National Organization for Men Against Sexism Ben Atherton-Zeman Thursday evening.
Parents, teachers, students and community members gathered in the auditorium to see Zeman’s humorous take on the serious subjects of violence prevention. With a collaboration of costumes and impressions, Zeman transformed into well known male Hollywood characters such as Rocky, James Bond, Mel Gibson and Austin Powers to explain the many myths surrounding consent, warning signs of an abusive relationship and things both men and women can do to prevent abuse from occurring.
One of the biggest myths about consent, Zeman said as Rocky, is that when someone says “no” it means “try harder.”
“Silence does not equal consent,” said Zeman. “And it doesn’t matter if you’re laughing or say it softly (when you say ‘no’).”
Other common misconceptions about consent are that if the victim was drunk, it was their fault, rapists are strangers, victims lie about being raped and that there is a “point of no return”.
Zeman brought up the point that young boys are brought up with the stereotype that they have to be “tough” in order to be a man. They shouldn’t cry or show their emotions no matter what the situation. They have to be aggressive, fight and use their physical strength. Zeman showed examples of these types of male stereotypes through video clips of well known movies. In most of these scenes, men were seen wielding guns or in a fight. These images of men, Zeman pointed out, are who young boys look up to. He claims it is up to men to teach young boys that it is okay to be vulnerable, how to treat women and that their strength is not for hurting.
During the presentation, special guest Kris Jacobs told her story of survival after facing years of abuse, one time being raped only a room away from her sleeping children. She talked about her fears of reporting the abuse and how she blamed herself for how others treated her.
Throughout Zeman’s presentation, public service announcements were played. One in particular stood out which ended with a man giving another man a bat to beat his wife with and the words “Do nothing and you may as well lend a hand.”
Zeman said he was compelled to come to Crandon after hearing about the six lives that were taken in October from Crandon’s Teen Action Group (TAG) in Stevens Point this year. Four Crandon students, Kylinn Engebretson, Carly Flannery, Jaryn LaBine and Keegan Kincaid comprise TAG, a performance group that speaks out about sexual harassment, underage drinking and dating violence. At a performance in Stevens Point, the TAG members agreed to talk about their experiences on October 7 and how the loss of their classmates and friends effected them. Zeman, who also was performing in Stevens Point, heard their story and offered to give his presentation in Crandon for the general public as well as the Crandon student body.
“I’m here to learn from them,” he said. “They have taken that experience and turned it into a reason to fight violence.”
Zeman has been doing his presentation for seven or eight years. He said he got involved in the fight against violence after hearing the stories of one of his female friends in college.
“It was the first time I’d heard the story of a survivor,” he said. “It really changed me.”
Zeman invited the TAG members to come to Washington D.C. with him to give their presentation there. In order to go the TAG members have to raise approximately $2,000, however Mary Sue Engebretson of the Tri-County Council said that even if the students cannot raise the money in time, it is still a huge honor for the students to be asked to accompany Zeman to D.C.
Donations to raise money for the student’s trip to D.C. can be sent to the Crandon School c/o Teen Action Group, 9750 U.S. Hwy. 8 W., Crandon, WI 54520.
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Ben Atherton-Zeman, dressed as James Bond, addressed the audience about the need for positive male role models to prevent violence toward women and other men.
Photo by Melissa Theisen
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